Calculus for Retards

by Chris   ⋅   September 16, 2006   ⋅   Comment now   ⋅    RSS

On and around campus you sometimes overhear the most interesting and silly conversations. Most often these involve some dimwit male trying to pick up an attractive female. “Yah, I really like art too. My favorite painter? Charles Perault. That guy has some amazing paintings.” (For those of you that don’t know, Charles Perault is the French storyteller responsible for Donkeyskin and Little Red Riding Hood).

The latest such conversation I heard was on the way to the campus garage. Some slick guy was trying to pick up a well dressed but empty headed girl. She mentioned something about Math, to which he replied, “You know, I know Calculus.”

“You know calculus?” she asked, noticeably impressed.

“Yah,” he stated proudly. “I took it in the business school.”

“Wait wait wait,” I wanted to say. “Business Calculus? I’m sorry, you dumb business scum, but that is not Calculus. Just because you know how to find a maximum and minimum on a calculator does not mean you know Calc. You don’t even need Trigonometry for that class — and Calc without Trig is like a sandwich without bread.”

But I held my tongue, and let the stupid girl remain impressed by the stupid boy. The world would be a safer place for such gullible women if they re-titled the class to “Business Calculator Skills,” but then again, the business and accounting majors, little societal viruses though they may be, need to somehow feel confident with the limited mental faculties they possess.

Gah.

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