Jag-ooh-wahr Blues

by Kris   ⋅   September 13, 2005   ⋅   Comment now   ⋅    RSS

The above photo says it all: CRAZY PEOPLE. It was found on a Russian web site with the following caption (translated by Babelfish):

Contemporary peace acts according to the principle of the unpredictable cooperation. Here is the example: the automobile, made in Great Britain under the American financial care, is completed by German brakes and Japanese electronics. But, as in the new-fashioned tariff plan, precisely, last words prove to be very important. But in the kosmopolitichnom project by the name Jaguar XJS last word remained after us, I is completely predicted.

Huh? Hey okay so I’m driving home from work today and a few cars up I see it: a Jaguar XJS coupe. *SIGH* It’s a mid-’80s model, you know before they made the taillights all horizontal flush and added a leaper, in solent blue. It’s one of my guilty pleasures/admiration daydreams because god knows the last thing I need right now is a V-12 gas sucker what with fuel topping out at $2.90-something/gal ($3.19 in SF and Cupertino). And if I think it over, I’m reminded that the front end is totally bug-eyed like a 1978 Honda Accord, but whenever I see the gigantic serifed “XJS” on the left and the “V12″ on the right, I am in vehicular heaven. I parry into position behind the incredibly lowered sedan with the scooped rear windshield just to get a better glimpse at these letters. How freaking weird am I?

XJSs aren’t as cute as the E-types (’60s-’70s) or the (ubiquitous in the Bay Area) recent XK8s and they’ll never be as sweet as my ultimate dreamdream car, the XJ220, but they’re still rare enough to remain special. Although in all honesty, there probably aren’t that many on the road because they require a lot of work which is not cheap. I was recently offered one in silver *DOUBLE SIGH* under the premise that it only needed a new fuel pump. Uh-huh, that’s it? Tell me another fairy tale. I was tempted because I think I was an auto mechanic in a past life and I know Jaguars are challenging and I love a challenge. I also was too young to drive my dad’s V12 behemoth, before they sold it for a “wimpy” V8 sedan, but I know that a car that has an engine almost as big as my dad’s 3/4-ton pickup is hot.

Don’t get me wrong, I swear by Toyotas and Lexuses (Lexii?) but am sometimes stunted by their very reliable but very un-oompaapaa engines. Sure they’ve got zip, but if you’ve ever driven a vroomvroom 5.0L+ vehicle, you’ll understand. *SIGH* In a perfect world, cars would run on garbage à la Back to the Future and more models would reflect the ecclectic XJS power and styling. Until then, I’ll just have to daydream for a few more weeks before I catch a glimpse of another one on the road.

– Kris Kobayashi

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