MUSINGS

Jessica Alba’s Inflated Sense of Self

In an interview with UK magazine, ZOO, Alba states:

I’m going to have to face [nudity]. When a big director who I really respect has an amazing story, it might be necessary to do a nude scene, but I probably couldn’t sleep well at night being naked in [a movie]. My father would lose his mind. The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather, or the horny maid. I get all those screenplays that start, ‘Tawnya is in the shower. The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.’ Somehow, I don’t think this is happening to Natalie Portman.

Miss Alba, you are absolutely right. This kind of thing does not happen to Natalie Portman. That was her clone in Closer. We have heard your cry, and sympathize. It is truly unfair. Thus, we will help get your message out. Jessica Alba is not the horny maid, or the Tawnya in the shower. She is a an intelligent human being. A true artist. She will break these chains of whore-ti-tude.

To help get the message out, we have made her this poster: