We’ve seen a number of films in the past few weeks, but just haven’t had the time to write them up. As such, here are a few quick catchup reviews. Stay tuned over the coming week for brief looks at Margot at the Wedding, Nightmare Detective, and more. On to the reviews.

10,000 B.C. . So this film’s been getting a bad rap, and for the most part, deservedly so. However, some of the criticisms being thrown about aren’t exactly fair. First off, despite its namesake, the story isn’t anything remotely historical. I mean, the inter-cultural tribe at the start, with blacks, whites, middle-easterners, and Asians working together to hunt wooly-mammoths amidst snow-capped mountain tops should have been the first clue that what we were witnessing was indeed science fiction. The second thing, which I’m finding even more mind-boggling, is the insistence that the culture found in the latter half of the film are Egyptians. If you look at their dress, a mixture of Indian and Thai sensibilities, you would think this fact was pretty easy to spot. Combined with the talk of “men from the sea,” the only logical interpretation would be that these freaky dudes are Atlanteans.

But back to the story. 10,000 B.C. plays out like so many Sunday afternoon fantasy series (ie: Hercules, Xena, etc) about chosen ones and fantastic prophecies, complete with the terrible acting, ham-handed dialog, and uber-serious tone. Camilla Belle is atrocious as the prehistoric babe, while Steven Strait fares a little better as the hero of prophecy. The mammoth battles are pretty cool, while those involving more exotic foes (ie: ostrich “raptors”) fare a bit less. If this were another film, I would expect far more, but everything about 10,000 B.C. is pretty much par for the course for the genre. However, 10,000 B.C.’s biggest flaw would be that it’s only mildly interesting for the majority of its runtime. The film is probably a decent entertainment for children, but there’s not enough meat there for adults…even those who harbor an affinity for Clan of the Cave Bear.

Doomsday . Here’s my absolute favorite theatergoing experience of the year. Doomsday is director Neil Marshall’s big wet kiss to 1980’s apocalyptic fare. Like Tarantino’s recent grindhouse homages, the film takes bits and pieces from everything from Mad Max to Assault on Precinct 13, poking fun at cliched genre conventions while adhering to them like gospel (even the film’s title cards maintain the 1980’s Cannon/Empire style serif fonts.). However, unlike Tarantino’s flicks Doomsday proves as good as the films it worships. The basic story concerns a viral outbreak that results in massive human casualties in the northern UK. In an effort to suppress the threat, the infected are walled off within their cities, a procedure that results in a United Kingdom bisected by a steel wall (It would seem Glasgow was the hottest of hot-zones). Flash forward 30 years. The virus is back, and terrorizing the populace of London. Survivors have been found in the Glasgow area, giving rise to the faint hope of a cure. The government sends their baddest badass, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), to venture into the old territory and hopefully discover a cure. What follows is a tale of cannibals and kings, anarchy vs. monarchy, as Eden and her team are set upon by savage hordes intent on making them lunch.

A pure shot of cinematic adrenaline, Doomsday is as intense as it is fun, featuring a sizable dose of dark humor to offset its gritty and excessively violent visuals. The battles are some of the hardest hitting I’ve seen in quite some time, grounded in raw physicality rather than CG escapism. Plus, any film that incorporates both Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s “Two Tribes” and Fine Young Cannibals’s “Good Thing” in respective sequences of road warring and eclectic dining is going to get bonus points from me. Rounding out the package is an awesome turn by Rhona Mitra (former Lara Croft model, and now bearer of the title of 21st century badass queen), and awesome cameos by Malcom McDowell and Bob Hoskins. What else is there to say? Doomsday is an awesome flick. Go see it.

The Hammer . I’ve never been an Adam Carolla fan, nor did I really care for director Charles Herman-Wurmfeld’s Kissing Jessica Stein. So, I guess you could say that I was a bit unenthused about having to sit down and watch The Hammer. The tale follows Jerry Ferro (Corolla) a freshly 40 construction worker who, following a prank at the expense of his foreman boss, quits his job to return to the world of boxing. Naturally, the transition isn’t as easy as it initially seems, but Ferro learns some valuable life lessons, and even finds love in the process.

The Hammer didn’t do anything to convert me to either entertainer’s fanbase, but at least it was better than expected. Carolla showed decent talent in his leading role, despite writer Kevin Hench’s unwieldy, cautiously theatrical, self-aware dialog. It’s not exactly pretentious, but nonetheless tiresome. The film does provide some decent laughs, however, and a good number of the setups had me guffawing out loud. Cinematography as well was better than expected, not exactly high art but nonetheless pleasant. Special notice is deserving to Oswaldo Castillo, who plays Ferro’s buddy, Oswaldo Sanchez, the Nicaraguan immigrant, carpenter, and boxing cheer-buddy. I’m not exactly sure what his career holds, but I wouldn’t mind seeing him in a few more indie films. In the end, The Hammer entertained, but ultimately tired me out. I like the message, but the final half hour could have been trimmed a good 15 minutes. Basically, if you liked Jessica Stein, feel free to check it out.

About the Author

Chris Nelson has been a film fanatic since age six. A former film and English major, he is now a Software Engineer and contract Technical Writer living in the Silicon Valley.