Curious

My, what lovely shoulder length lashes you have!

Did someone get this idea watching Sesame Street’s Snuffleupagus (pictured left)? Well, now you too can look like a huge wooly mammoth with floppy long lashes dangling past your eyes. It only costs $3,000/eye.

Eyelash transplants. This is insane. The surgery previously conducted only on burn victims is now coveted by the ugly rich. Unlike previous procedures where an eyelash donor would be involved, the follicles are taken from the nape of the neck, so basically it’s head hair sewn onto your eyelids. Gross. Because it’s head hair and therefore grows like head hair, your brand new eyelashes have to be trimmed regularly and if you possess a kinky ‘fro, your eyelashes will too. Luckily, Japan created a heated eyelash curling iron some time ago; a likely pairing tool for post-procedure.

I wonder if the Japanese will go for this surgery, having perfected their 10-minute double eyelid surgeries, where a few sutures permanently force a new crease in asian single lids, making almond eyes appear wider, rounder, therefore prettier. I had a few fair-follicled friends that blobbed on the mascara just to make their lashes visible; I have a feeling they would consider it. How about neogoth kids striving for that next crazy trend? Growing them out, tinting them, or cutting them at odd angles woud definitely set them apart from the crowd and also go quite nicely with opaque and cloudy contacts.

I wonder if the future will bring avant garde eyelash stylists, armed with trial-sized gels and mousses, teeny barrettes and clips. Would there be black market eyelash donors? Could you loop it through your eyebrow ring? Oh the possibilities are endless! But most of these sound like they’ll make you even uglier than you were with short stubby lashes, you superficial boyish freak.