News Cap — 06/22/06

by Kris   ⋅   June 22, 2006   ⋅   Comment now   ⋅    RSS

In a thwarted plot to take down the Sears Tower, the tallest US building, seven people described as “Americans” who had “given their lives to Allah” have been arrested and interrogated. They reportedly slept and crept around a warehouse in uhm, Liberty City Miami, which they would only emerge from for late night exercise and guard rounds. Because they have no known ties to al-Qaeda or terrorist groups, and if you ignore the dense South Florida Muslim populace, my theory is that this is either a crazy marketing ploy for the upcoming Miami Vice remake, or else those guys were actually playing too much Grand Theft Auto and now have delusions of grandeur.

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Bahw-ston. Beantown. Measles City. As of yesterday, there have been 14 reported cases of Measles in Massachusetts; the outbreak traced to a computer programmer flown in from India to a financial services company in the 60-story John Hancock Tower. The Tower is consequently the tallest building in New England, designed by I.M Pei and is riddled with engineering faults. As if working in a sway-tastic building wasn’t nauseating enough, now the tenants have to worry about possible bronchitis, diarrhea, even pneumonia or fatal encephalitis. But they aren’t the worst case scenario. It has spread to members of the Christian Science Church down the street who do not believe in vaccinations, but that faith will heal. For those that do not reject modern medicine, Massachusetts has ordered 23,000 doses of the vaccine, which on rush order costs about half a million dollars. All this, Chris concluded, could have been avoided if the U.S. would stop outsourcing!

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“What if Nazis killed Picasso?” is not a question you hear everyday. Someone actually took the time to write an entire play that poses this very question, pondering Picasso’s demise 20 years prior to his cushy libido-affected South of France lifestyle. I guess the playwright’s imagination went wild while investigating the four undocumented years of Nazi occupation in Picasso’s neighborhood, where he failed to lift a finger to help his Jewish colleagues. Sure his famous somber-toned 25 1/2 ft long Guernica depicts the Nazi bombing of the Spanish town of the same name, and some critics would be quick to call him the “Hitler of Modernism”, and my god didn’t he have any other clothes besides that “hey I’m living a French sterotype” striped shirt?? Anyway, the play opened last night and is called Picasso’s Closet.

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Click here to take the Nazi quote quiz. Do you think you could tell the difference between way-to-the-right right wing self-proclaimed “polemicist” (a person who loves to stir up the pot) Anne Coulter and Adolf Hitler’s quotes? You may be very surprised.

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So this guy finds this painting in his new apartment and doesn’t know a thing about art but he knows it looks old so he gives Christie’s auction house a ring. It turns out to be a famous Austrian expressionist’s piece thought to have been destroyed by Nazis and that the original owner had been desperately trying to locate it until his death in 1964. Okay, dead guy’s priceless painting in hand.. now what would you do? Well, this guy decides to RETURN (term used loosely because it’s like finders keepers, isn’t it?) the artwork to the heirs … huh?? The heirs did what the guy should have done himself: sell the damn thing for a cool $22 million. And I’ll bet that guy’s still living in an apartment.

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