Sex and Death 101 // Lost Boys: The Tribe // Watching the Detectives // dvd movie reviews

by Kris   ⋅   August 7, 2008   ⋅   Comment now   ⋅    RSS

Sex and Death 101 Buy it at Amazon.com
“Topless girls are all I need” should be a running quote for movie critics who wholeheartedly recommend fodder like this. It’s not funny, it’s not interesting, it’s horribly miscast, it’s a complete disaster. It’s hard to believe, I mean really hard to believe this came from the same person (Daniel Waters) who penned the ripely sardonic Heathers, which brimmed with a jillion invented clever catchphrases in its own unique vernacular. Sex and Death 101, on the contrary, actually employs lines like: “I’m certain that some very interesting things will occur this evening… your penis going into her vagina will not be one of them”, intended as humor.

Things are miserable from the get-go with what has to be the worst opening credits ever: revolving stark white walls. Forever. We later discover this is a empirical room where an omnipotent computer spits out postcard predictions, mostly death dates, one of which is a sex partner list (a “to-do list”, if you may, haha) of all the women our fearless lead, Roderick Blank (Simon Baker) will bed in his lifetime. He proceeds to freak out, become flattered, and later infatuated with this list. He ruins his engagement, his sanity, his hair, all for his ego-blown curiosity and efficiency. Meanwhile, a serial killer dubbed Death Nell (Winona Ryder) is on the prowl, murdering men in Roderick’s neck of the woods. Perchance the two shall meet?

The demise of the rather intriguing, underlying concept of fate and fatalism, evolved evil (as Death Nell launches into a bizarre and boring soliloquy on the brutality that brought her to misandry) is that it is left underlying, buried under a pile of rejects from a Truly Tasteless Jokes tome. The title Sex and Death 101 implies that it intends to educate, but really it’s stuck shooting spitwads in detention with the remedial kids.

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Lost Boys: The Tribe Buy it at Amazon.com
Take everything that made Lost Boys a classic… quirky humor, savvy casting, savage effects, killer soundtrack, genius editing, adult/teen rifts, a perfect blend of sexy cool and occultish fun. Now take all that away. Or, worse yet, why don’t you repeat everything all over again, including every single one of Edgar Frog’s (Corey Feldman) lines. And no dog this time? For shame. Seriously, Lost Boys: Tribe was even slow watching on 4x speed. It lingered on the most asinine scenes that failed to add any suspense, nor any character development; not that you’d care what happens to these kids anyway. It was dull and lifeless, pun not intended. Guest appearance by Tom Savini and a silly yet plausible “explanation” of Corey Haim’s absence at the end couldn’t save this ridiculous obvious ploy for franchise cash. Such a mis-stake.

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Watching the Detectives Buy it at Amazon.com
Proposed tagline: “Be a felon. It’s fun!” Chris surprised me with this because it has Cillian Murphy in it, who is a pleasure to drink-in performance and superficial-wise. This film miscasts him as a misfit (oh, the other characters keep trying to convince us that he is) Neil, who runs a shabby cult movie video store, and the carefree gal Violet (Lucy Liu) who coerces him into committing crime after crime, vaulting him into a character in his beloved movies, perhaps. In order for this premise to work, however, there needs to be a strong disillusionment betwixt fantasy and reality, with Neil being absorbed in his little introverted life, which Violet is to then rescue him from. But Neil is far from sheltered; in fact, he’s just normal in his wariness of Violet’s playdates (I say this because it seemed like babysitting at times).

While there are some cute, unique scenes, Violet often comes across as unstable as she’s more of an aggressor with authority aversion, and possibly needs Neil’s help to take it down a peg. It would have been great to see a lifestyle trade-off, but of course it’s movie love without mutual compromise. And besides, that would need to infer Violet’s comprehension of consequence. Book ‘em both for being unrealistic. Reduced sentence for falling in love.

About the Author

Kris Kobayashi-Nelson says these directors/screenwriters rarely disappoint: Peter Greenaway, Kiyoshi Kurosawa, Krzysztof Kieslowski, Gus van Sant, Gregg Araki. Kris claims that Jake Gyllenhaal, Cillian Murphy, Desmond Harrington and Casey Affleck are much more than pretty faces.

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