Sorry Ma’am, Your Lipstick May Blow Up This Plane

by Kris   ⋅   August 11, 2006   ⋅   Comment now   ⋅    RSS

With the launch of Ollie Stone’s WTC comes a certain panic among certain citizens. I, on the other hand just want the lines to move along, move along.

In June, the Federal Security circuit buzzed over plans to make SFO the first airport to screen all passenger plane cargo with x-ray machines and bomb-sniffing dogs. They executed it yesterday, resulting in long lines and a lot of arm crossing, wristwatch glancing and heavy sighs. Today, SF Mayor Gavin Newsom (who never misses a photo op, but at least he’s doing something, right?) assured citizens that things are going as smooth as his Brylcreem hairdo.

Speaking of Brylcreem, in major California airports, you may be asked to toss away hair gel, water bottles, perfume, shampoo, even toothpaste and lipstick. At other airports, you may be asked to place your containers in a futuristic machine from prospective-terrorist Hell. The machine uses lasers to check the properties of the liquid to determine if it is explosive/flammable. Unfortunately, the machine cannot detect liquids encased in metal at this time, but it’s a start.

This is all thanks to the recent busted London terrorist plot involving liquid explosives, a little too similar to the 1995 “Oplan Bojinka/Bojinga” incident, where three men put some nitro in contact solution bottles and the detonator in their shoes, aiming to down 11 planes. If successful, their next mission was to assassinate the Pope.

This precaution also reminds us of when a woman smuggled liquid explosive and blew up a Korean airliner back in 1987, tearfully mewling that she was a North Korean agent. A guy with a criminal record trying to take four bottles of “wine” on a US flight wasn’t so lucky. He was caught, questioned, and arrested. Worst of all (to him) he didn’t get to blow up a plane!

Also, in major Cali airports (SFO, LAX, SAN - San Diego), hundreds of National Guardsmen have dusted off their caps, set to patrol. Also, liquor and perfume were taken off the shelves at Duty Free Shops. So all you last-minute gifters are just gonna hafta own up or booze up and smell sweet outside Federal jurisdiction.

Now, do you feel safer or just annoyed?

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